http://gehayi.livejournal.com/463422.html →
Take a Stand Against ACTA!
Don't Let Obama Shut Out Endangered Species →
The Obama government is now accepting comments on a draft policy that would sharply limit the number of species given protection under the Endangered Species Act. The policy in question is a Bush-era throwback that ignores entire populations of imperiled species.
Unlike weaker wildlife laws, the Endangered Species Act does not require a species to be at risk of global extinction to qualify for protection; it must only be at risk in a “significant portion of its range.” This provision ensures species are protected before they’re past the point of no return; it fulfills the Act’s purpose of protecting the ecosystems on which endangered species depend.
Unfortunately the policy the Obama administration is proposing would ignore historic losses of habitat and reestablish the global-endangerment criterion — a standard that has already allowed the government to downplay the urgent plight of the cactus ferruginous pygmy owl.
Please tell President Obama’s Interior Department not to shut out animals and plants that desperately need the Act’s protection.
Take action here: http://action.biologicaldiversity.org/p/dia/action/public/?action_KEY=9275
Start ‘em young
Las Vegas has already legalized gambling, prostitution (in some areas) and other entertainment for children.
Way #34589 Not to Get an Agent
Before I send you my query, I want to be certain you have relationships with editors at the biggest, most prestigious publishers in the US. Can you tell me which publishers you typically work with?
Great question! I think you’ll be impressed with this list of 6 publishers I usually work with:
- Fred’s Plumbing, Air Conditioning, and Publishing
- Simon & Rooster
- Shmublishing Publishing
- We Publish Anything
- Monkeyboy Press
- Snooki Books
When God Speaks, You Should Obey
GOD has asked ME to stay up all night to write this book! Sorry for the short notice, but I only just received the emergency message from GOD.
Hey, I understand completely. In 2006, when I was on my way to the shoe store to buy a pair of Crocs, God gave me an emergency message telling me I’d really regret that purchase later in life. I’m glad I listened.
Dr. Seuss, they are not
Dear Sir or Madam, will you read my book?
It took me years to write, will you take a look?
I will not read your book in a house.
I will not read it with a mouse.
I do not like it here or there.
I do not like it anywhere.
I will not read your book, you see.
I will not read it, author wannabe.
As Fluent in English as a Nigerian Scam Letter
I’m sure that these 8 chapters of this book will neither disappoint you, nor lose your time to read them, because by your decision to represent my book, you can not only earn big money, but also make great history.
Earn big money and make great history? Right. That’s what Whitney Houston told me when I decided to represent her children’s book, Crack Is Whack!, and look where that got me.
Another Great Way to Be Rejected in a Minute or Less
I hope you’ll represent my fictional novel.
To you and the other countless authors who refer to your books as “fictional novels,” will you please, for the love of all that’s holy and good in this world, stop it. Besides, I don’t represent fictional novels. I represent only poetic poetry, nonfictional true stories, how-to-cook-stuff cookbooks, and children’s books for children.
How to Guarantee Rejection by an Agent in Five Seconds or Less
Dear preferred agent/agency,…
You forgot to add the parenthetical remark, (“though not so preferred that I bothered learning or addressing you by name.”)
Guys. Guys. There is a bar. Two blocks from my apartment. That is the most magical, wonderful place in the world. Friday night my roommate and I went to check this bar out because we heard they built their bathroom to look like a TARDIS. And no joke, this place has a legit TARDIS for a BATHROOM. And you know when you see fan-made stuff like TARDIS’s and it’s cute, but if you’re being honest, it looks kind of shitty? That was not the deal here, folks. It was seriously the most realistic TARDIS I have ever seen, I mean, it was fucking phenomenal. They had an actual carpenter make it for them. It lit up and everything. AND IT WAS BIGGER ON THE INSIDE. Unfortunately I have no pictures of this because by the time we were drunk enough to feel comfortable looking like assholes taking our pictures in front of the TARDIS the line for the bathroom was kind of long, so.. next time. (Because there will be 932 next times)
And then once the bartender (who also turned out to be the owner) found out we were Who fans he promptly brought out the DOCTOR WHO DRINK MENU. I repeat: THE DOCTOR WHO DRINK MENU. So we ordered 11th Doctor Sonic Screwdrivers which were, of course, insanely delicious (and green at the bottom! The 10th Doctor was blue! PERFECTION!). And then the bartender brought out his actual Sonic Screwdriver and guys, I swear to god if there is a heaven, I was there last night.
AND THIS IS TWO BLOCKS FROM MY APARTMENT. If I am never on Tumblr again it is because I have officially just moved in there. So all you Who fans, get yo’ asses to Brooklyn NOW!
They’re Definitely Right about the Self-Promotion Thing
I have self published 3 books. But I’ve never really been good at the self-promotion thing, and I’ve been told that my books need a good editor. So, since nobody buys my books, I’m seeking a literary agent.
You little minx. You certainly know how to tempt an agent.
There is such a thing as too optimistic
This will end by this being the book that every house has in their living room on the coffee table, book shelf or half open on the couch. The book every pastor and synogogue will have on display across the world. I would be sadly dissapointed if this book didn’t sell 100 billion copies in the first 5 years.
Hmmm … 100 billion copies for a world population of 7 billion. So, each and every person in the world is going to buy 14 copies? Seems reasonable.
SlushPile Hell: Authors have the humungous burden of mailing QUERY letters to agents,... →
Authors have the humungous burden of mailing QUERY letters to agents, agents, and agents. I might be an author trying to sell a book, but I also have other tasks on my plate. I simply cannot take the time daily to spend writing agents and publishers. Given that it is 2011 and technology is…
Page 1 of 2
